PARENTS ARE HUMANS TOO.
“No one understands me in this house”
“My parents hate me”
“I think I am adopted”
“My parents prefer my other siblings to me”
Do these sentences sound familiar? I bet they do for most of us.
Growing up as the first child I found myself using those sentences whenever the situation arises which means all the time and at that time it felt true and I couldn't wait to grow up, leave the house, get married and show my parents especially my mother how to raise children properly.
My mum and I were never in agreement for the most part of my teenage years and at that time it felt like it was all her fault and she was bad at parenting, so I thought.
I am in my 20s now, I don't see myself getting married anytime soon or having children anytime soon because they are a handful (let's be honest) I would like to say I partially raised my siblings. I didn't contribute to their financial needs (yet) but emotionally and psychologically I was and still there for them, they are amazing and adorable but are a handful. Most days I find myself yelling at them because of their inability to adhere to a simple instruction and when I am away from home I miss them terribly, but when I am back home it feels like yelling “continua”. Makes me wonder how my mother felt all those times she kept repeating the same thing to me over and over again. This life no balance o.
I think it's safe to say that no one is actually perfect when it comes to parenting, like us, our parents are also figuring everything out, surprising but true.
My relationship with my mum took a positive turn after I left college mostly because I stayed at home for close to 1 year given that I have spent my teenage years moving from a boarding school to a nursing college which really put a strain on our relationship. The period of one year helped us bond more and rebuild our relationship, now she is my friend, sometimes annoying but still my friend and I wholeheartedly take back every mean thing I have said to her or thought about her. I am sorry mother.
Sometimes we fail to understand that our parents are humans too, they get tired, jealous, angry, sad, depressed, hungry etc just like us. We set up high standards for them which blurs out their strengths and focus more on their weaknesses and when they fail to reach those standards we assume they failed us.
I became interested in human behavior for the sole purpose of having meaningful and better relationship with people especially my mum and it has been amazing. With the knowledge I have gathered over the years I no longer judge her as much as I used to and instead of keeping quiet and building up resentment when she does something I don't like,I tell her in a respectful way that I am angry at her and surprisingly she always apologize but, in a typical African mother type of way which includes;
★ Getting you new clothes.
★ Preparing your favorite meal.
★ Serving you dinner, lunch or breakfast.
★ Giving you extra money.
★ Ignoring your excesses for the next 3 days
And a bunch of other stuff they do that I find funny because this whole drama can be avoided if they just say SORRY genuinely. I must admit, it's a thoughtful way of apologizing.
So what's your point Chimnwendum?
Be kind to your parents. They are really doing their best, when you get older and have kids of your own you will understand them but it maybe too late, so why wait for that, start now. Seek to understand them better, yes they can be annoying like every other human being but and that is a huge BUT they are our parents.
Fun Fact: Did you know that most parents went through childhood trauma and for the most part have not healed from them?
Have you ever seen your parents cry? If no is your answer, do you think they don't? They cry, the get their hearts broken by friends like we do, they experience burn out like we do, they get depressed too and having a child who sees through those thick walls of faux superhuman persona and see them for who they really are and what they are going through could be all the need to get through the pain.
I can't vouch for all parents like I do for mine because every parent have their unique parenting style, some are extreme, some come with the laissez faire kind of parenting, while some are in between. However, they are our PARENTS and that is a gift.
Chimnwendum, what if they are toxic?
We don't offer kindness to people because they earned it, we do so because they deserve it even when it doesn't seem like it. Yes, parents can be toxic and annoying which may have an effect on your mental health, in that case my honest take on that would be to leave, create a certain degree of distance, sometimes they need a reminder that you matter as well. Also, never underestimate the power of prayer, pray about it. God moves in ways we can not fathom, so pray, it may take a while but he will surely come through.
We need to be kinder to our parents, they are like I was thought in Block Rosary “the gods” we see and representatives of God.
Take what works for you and leave the rest, there are no rules.
*Block Rosary* is a group found in catholic church that's made up of individuals especially children who come together to learn about God, the Blessed Trinity, Virgin Mary Mother of God and other stuff. You can look it up on Google too.